Here we are in April already, and i have to admit, the year so far has been rather bumpy. some Ups, with new additions to the family and some downs, with some relationship issues and struggle with my mind clutter……….Still!
I think this year my main struggle has been in my relationships, and friendships. one of my main struggles since suffering with postnatal depression, has been my anxiety, and my default setting is to hide, and avoid…. everyone and everything. Basically i am now a hermit. The only time i leave the house is to do school runs and sometimes to shop , if i havent been organised enough to order online. I think since Covid, this has been magnified as it was an acceptable way of life for so long. This has meant, where I struggled to maintain connections after kids, has also magnified. Even with teams and facetime and everything else, everyone seemed to find ways to connect… I was quite happy to be isolated. ( spoiler….. Not great way to live long term ??♀️)
I have now been a Parent for 6 years, and i still have no idea how i balance having my own friends and my own hobbies when all my time is as a slave to my kids. making sure they are on schedule, up at the right time, where they need to be at the right time, eating at the right time, in the bath, in bed…….. and it goes on and on. i find this exhausting, i literally cant find the space in my head, to organise my own life. organising anything is a massive chore for me, the thought of it stresses me.
So… I think it’s time to lay in all out, talk about where I’ve gone wrong, own it, admit to it, and move on. I’m am trying to change. I am trying to put myself first for a change, try to create some happiness for myself. My reward for trying to get out from under the cloud of gloom, and generally just GET OUT OF THE HOUSE, and take the lead in my own life…… Well, I’ve recently heard someone call me selfish. but are we not all a little selfish?
I honestly think we should be! We can be kind and generous, and thoughtful, but there is still room to be selfish. If you are not doing things for yourself, if you are not doing what makes you happy, if you are constantly being the people pleaser, and just doing what everyone else wants you to…… are you making the most of your life?? Are you happy? I wasn’t!! which is why I withdrew from everyone.
So now….. I’m going to set my reminder. Start participating and enjoying life, and I want you to do the same.
Love. B. X