‘just’ a mum

I have missed quite a few weeks of blogs lately. I am sorry. The reasons being, it was school holidays and my mood being at an all time low. (bad timing).

I realise why I have this depression now. My mind does not always agree with my life. Similar to a duck, he looks peacefully swimming on the lake, but how hard is he really paddling under there….?

This is me! I look like I’m cruising through life, happy as Larry, but really my legs are paddling 100mph, and I just don’t seem to get very far ?

I’m a go do-er and the life of mum sometimes isn’t enough. It’s hard to ‘just‘ be mum. That term as well….. ‘just’ a mum. It isn’t a…. all I do is be a mum as a comparison to others. (assumed by most big career people) It’s a iv lost myself and I am now ‘just’ a mum. A description of ourselves. Does anyone realise that this term means, I’m never alone for a second 24hr 7days a week? Toilet-no! Shower-no! Sleep-no! I do Nothing alone. As mums, We are responsible for these little people, they are our world, all that matters. So I’m no longer Becky, I’m JUST mum, to my two beautiful girls. (and its blooming hard work) ?

My mind is not always happy about this realisation. It tells me to build something, create something achieve something new….change a room, upcyle furniture, learn a new skill…. But there is no time. My little people need ALL my time. I’m stuck with this constant pull in both directions…

So…. How can I just accept this? What will help? This is my next step. I need a balance. I need to let a little more Becky out, not ‘just‘ mum.