Closing the lid

This weekend, I closed the lid on the overflowing todo box in my head and have just enjoyed family time.

It is crazy how hard this has been for me to do lately. Since the PND I haven’t wanted to do anything, iv really had to push myself. Being out of the house helps. The clubs and playgroups, i can almost put on an act, a smile and nobody knows.

As soon as I’m in the house my brain tells me to either sit or sleep. It’s strange and….. Depressing haha

Friday Hubby was off work and Eliza has ballet and swimming. We took a picnic with us to her swim class so we could sit in the park after. The girls had a play and then I had taken a bag of crumbs so we could walk home through the woodland park, and feed the ducks on the way home.

We had a movie night Saturday. We let Eliza stay up, watched UP, and had a few little treats. Then today we all went swimming as a family. Eliza loved showing off. Followed by playing in the garden and our Sunday roast. The icing on the cake is Adelyn got up and walked all by herself.

I think it has been so good for my soul. It has taken time and it’s hard to explain. Probably because I can’t give a proper reason, and it may seem silly to anyone that has not suffered postnatal depression but to just relax and enjoy what I was doing is a big thing. It’s isolating. For me, I feel like I shut off. I love my family but sometimes to engage with them seems hard. I hope I’m not judged here. It’s just the effect the condition has had on me and I have been fighting through it and this weekend I won. ?

Finding time

I have this goal to clear my house by Christmas. I want to kon Marie every room, only keeping what I love. My hope is by the end every item will have a home, that is easy to access so everything can be put away. Does anyone just have thing accumulate around the house?

I tend to get a pile of paperwork build. I hate paperwork. I need a system so as it comes in the house it can be homed. What system do you all use? I’d love some Inspiration.

Getting back to my plan. I started decluttering my wardrobe. All going great, but I have a lot of random thi gs in my room, things that need to be homed, I put in my room because I like the rest of the house tidy. ?

I made a good dent on my bedroom, lots of bags to charity, cleared away most of my jewelry, because let’s face it, I have kids and never wear it anymore. Started clearing out all from under my ottoman bed.

There is still lots to do, and I’m struggling to find the time, and loose enthusiasm if I can’t get it done and see the results. I’m pretty impatient I guess. Haha please send help!

Food life

Hello… Thankyou for stopping by.

The past few weeks I have been trying to concentrate on getting more organised with my food shop.

I hate this part of my week, trying to think what we may eat so can buy in enough for meals, lunches snacks and not spend a fortune. Eek! Pretty hard work.

I find this really difficult, I like to decide on the day, see how I feel, but this is not practical when it is now my job to organise feeding times for a family.

I do find meal ideas hard though. Does anyone else have this trouble? I tend to stick to the same meals and if I’m honest, we are all pretty bored of spagbol. Haha!

I have now been given a book (pinch of nom) by my mother in law. I spent some time going through, putting little sticky notes on the recipes that I liked the look of and I will try these out. Let me know if you’d like to know which I tried and liked..?

So… I sat down and chose a dish for each day, trying to incorporate same ingredients so I could buy bigger packs which are often more cost effective.

I can’t believe I didn’t do this before. Another stress button slightly eased I now know what iv got, I wrote a little menu to go on the wall and I knew what I was doing everyday.

Also…. Since having children, I swear by ordering shopping delivery. If I go in the shop I come out with ramdom bits, usually bad choices and spend far far far too much money. Online grocery shopping keeps me on budget. Which keeps the hubby happy…. And his wallet. Haha

Sun’s out— let’s garden

The sun has got his hat on, hip hip hip horary!!! About time!!!

It is boiling! So I am staying inside ?

How many can relate to this? We crave the sun, but in reality with a baby…. It is too hot. If we’re lucky An hour in the morning and again in the afternoon and that’s it to be truthful. I do however have my patio doors wide open, the windows open and it feels lovely. The air is blowing through and with massive window at one end of my living room and the patio the other, it feels outdoorsy.

We do tend to have dinner outside when the weather is like this, it’s just starting to cool and we get a nice family play outside after. Tonight we did some gardening.

I am craving a beautiful garden. Another area up in my head has that circling everytime the sun shines haha I’d like the eating area to be cute with a feature on the wall and string lights hanging above. The kids area to be awesome and colourful and then an area that is a garden, not just grass…. That is the dream.

The garden is quite high on my list. It’s such a necessity with the girls. I think being outside really boosts my mood, even just having the doors open. No TV, just pottering about, listening to swaying trees and the birds.

My goodness… I am getting old.

Jumping through thoughts

Heyyyy So in true Becky form, my mind has now jumped to viewing the whole room rather than just concentrating on my wardrobe.My problem with my bedroom is that we have purple carpet. This was here when we moved in, I hate it but can’t afford to switch it rights now. Even if we could we have a blooming heavy ottoman bed which I doubt the carpet fitters would be too enthusiastic about working around.What can I do with this? I have tried to stick to a grey white and blush colour palette thinking this doesn’t completely clash with the carpet… It’s OK! The next problem is my curtains. Iv lent some from my mum for now as again… Curtains can be expensive and I want to get the ‘right’ ones for the room.The next problem is there are fitted wardrobes, again Inherited from the previous owners. They are grey and oddly fitted and to me, just make the room feel dark. Obviously handy, but just annoying. We can barley get the doors open as they then touch the bed, so awkward.You see how my mind works? I try to fix one problem which then gets me thinking about something else which is a decision, That cannot be made until something else has been changed.My endless battle with myself, in my head, never getting anywhere. I go to bed thinking about all these annoying things, and in the morning, I look around……. And my mind does it all over again. I need help. I need someone to focus me. I’m hoping you all reading will help.Tomorrow is another day. What should be the days area to target???Your thoughts welcome ☺️night-night.Love BXX

Wardrobe Clutter.

This is where I’m going to start with clearing out my house. I feel it will be easiest place as anything I don’t like can go to charity.

My Target is to have a minamilism journey. I’ll be honest I did clear a lot out before I decided to do this blog.

I first took out all of my normal daytime clothes, transfered these onto my hanging rail and left all my occasional wear in my warobe.

Then I went through and anything I immediately hated went in the charity bag. Then anything in the ‘i cant remember the last time I had worn it’ Catagory came out. I went through each item sorting into ‘yes’ and ‘no’ piles.

This cleared a lot.

I then went through my jeans. Got rid of any that didn’t fit anymore. My shape changed so much after children, it was hard parting with things I felt I hadn’t had long, but the fit was awful, so they needed to go.

I then folded them all KonMarie style and filed them into a draw. This was so much better than the shelf in the bottom of my dark awkward wardrobe.

Next up was my underwear, and pj’s. I seriously have no idea how I had accumulated so many. Haha I got myself some draw organisers and sorted them into sections. I actually only kept my black or white underwear and chucked the rest. The same with pj’s. I had so many thick wintery sets that I never wore but had been presents. Time to say goodbye and I kept just 4 sets of my fave and most comfortable fitting pj’s.

Now I have sorted through and minamalised what I have I have layed out my new wardrobe area how I would like it. I have a hanging rail and some shelves up the side and two draws. My aim to to only have this space as a ‘Capsule Wardrobe’. I am so excited. Its not done and perfect yet, so excuse the excess mess, (that’s mid sort through) but it is taking shape and already it has made me feel so much happier, and encourages me to dress better each day.

Watch this space for the finished space……

1st step

My first step of taking back the control of my life, was making the decision to work from home.

The anxiety and stress I felt about going back to work, the guilt that I needed to bring money into the home, but torn because I want to be with my kids, but torn again when I have days where I wasn’t copying so well. It’s hard work with two (who knew?!)

This was most definitely the right decision for me. I can work when I want, when hubby is home and can just do a few clients a day, taking as long as I like. (I’m a hairdresser). This took a lot of pressure off me. Especially as I was planning Christmas and our wedding at the same time, my head felt like it was going to explode with all the decisions.

I now feel I’m contributing without having the added stress of being away from my babies for long hours, and no time restraints on my work and creativity, nobody controlling me. This was a step in the right direction.

I moved the girls to share a room, so I could use the back room for my work/office. I love re-arranging rooms, and was so cute to have them in together. I’m hoping this will help with their sisterly bond too. I’m sure any of you reading with kids will know how quickly they grow, so how often we need to sort through the clothes, what to keep, donate or bin. It’s never ending especially adding in the pile of hand-me downs too.

Im terrible though. I can’t focus on one job at a time. My mind jumps from jobs In all rooms all over the house. Hence my foggy cluttered head that never gets cleared as I can never finish anything. I need more training on the tools, and I’m sure nothing to do with having two little people needing my attention all day either. Haha.

So the reason for this blog.

To make me focus, and concentrate my head and my time to one job at a time so I can document it all for you lovely lot. (maybe on my youtube channel ?) My hope being this will help me over come the overwhelming circling list of jobs in my head. And fingers crossed it does something for baby brain too. (I cannot remember a thing)

So where shall I start ?

It’s NOT a Dirty Word

Post-natal Depression.

The explanation I was given to why I felt the way I felt. so stuck, so trapped, so tired, so overwhelmed, so blinded, so sad, so lazy, so lonely, so isolated, so antisocial…. (the list could go on.)

The fix? Antidepressants. They have helped me through, but they will not fix me

I think post natal depression is a term used when they can’t explain what’s happening. Us women are amazing. Look at what our bodies go through to create life. Is it any wonder our heads get a little foggy after?

Our bodies change, our minds change, our lives now have to change, our goals change, our purpose is now changed, our ambition changes. (maybe not for everyone, but for me)

So now I’m struggling through all these changes, which trigger new thoughts, new goals, new realisations, new doubts and my head is dizzy buzzing about 100mph 24/7.

So don’t be ashamed of this term. We need to Own it, and talk about it. Of course I can say this now, coming out the other side (just about) but I wouldn’t have back then. It means different things to different people, and everyone experiences it differently. The same as everyone has different ideas of what it means, but who cares what people think. They don’t know. It’s something Inside ME. It’s not my kids, my husband, my mum or anything else. This is mine.

Talking to my friends, and other mums is what has helped me get through this year.

You know who you are and I am so thankful to have you in my life. ❤

Im not going to go In to massive details about my depression. Its not really what I want this blog to be about. I just felt, the reason behind starting this blog should be known. I need to get this all out, so I can move forward.

So during my year of struggling through, just going through the motions, and fighting for air. I have had moments of reflection.

What do I want to do now? where do I want to work? can I work? What makes me unhappy? What can I change?

The moment of clarity – only I can change these things. OMG!

So little by little, I’m clearing through the Clutter in my head. Whether it’s work, bedrooms, kids toys, home improvement, wardrobe, garden…… The list goes on.

So now I take control. Im sorting. I’m making changes. I’m finding my path

I will find my happiness!

(and be Clutter free in the process. -Mind and home)

Before the Clutter.

Over the past 12-18 months I have Been on quite a journey, and not an entirely pleasant one.

Let’s start at the beginning………

November 2017 I had just started a new job, and soon I found out I was pregnant for the 2nd time.

We were thrilled. Eliza, our first born, had been our world and so we’re very excited to be giving her a brother or sister.

This pregnancy was entirely different. My first had been a breeze, I had felt like wonder woman and enjoyed every second. This one I suffered. I was feeling drained from the very beginning and spending most of my time in bed. It was soon discovered I had an iron deficiency, and was very low in feretin, my iron stores. I was always dizzy, constant nausea, and feeling faint. It wasn’t too long that I then had to be signed off work, as I couldn’t stand for even an hour. (not great for a hairdresser)

Jump forward. June 13th 2018, she arrived. Another beautiful baby girl. I was overwhelmed with love all over again, my heart was full, she was perfect, and I was so proud to have brought her into the world. This day was heavenly. Baby Adelyn.

The weeks to follow my health once again was not so great. I was even struggling with feeding this time around. I was so sore I couldn’t bare to be touched, I couldn’t hold my baby and i couldn’t cuddle my eldest. I just felt like a failure. Surrounded by visitors, I had never felt so Alone.

  …… And so it began. The clouds came in and my mind cluttered.

This part of my life is labelled POST NATAL DEPRESSION.

Hello world!


Thankyou so much for stopping by.

I have agonised for a while about starting a blog, and now feels like the right time.

Im turning a corner In My life and thought id share it with you. My mind is a cluttered place, always Jumping from one thing to the next, seeking my ultimate happy place and discovering who it is I want to be.

Fasten your seat belts for my journey of family life, tidying up, decluttering, trying my hand at minimalism, fashion, home decor, D.I.Y and I imagine a lot more. (knowing me ha!)

So Welcome, Thankyou for reading, and I hope you enjoy the ride ?

Love B