Who am I now?

This has been a tough week. Its very hard to sort through my thoughts sometimes and give you lovely people an insight that makes sense.

This week iv been thinking about ME. This is something a lot of mums don’t do much. I am now so many things to different people… A friend, daughter, mum, wife, sister, hairdresser, therapist (ha!) but who am I to me?

Who do I want to be?

At the moment I feel the post natal depression is defining me. I got to a point where I am being open about it, but now realising that not everyone knows how to take it. It’s the reason I give for not calling back, not being in touch, not going to that catch up or picnic…… When it has hold of me, I am not in control! I am split in two.

I hate it. I want to be socialable, I want to take my kids to their play dates, or family bbqs or friends houses, but sometimes, I just can’t.

I think the main thing people need to know about post natal depression, is that it is a depression. It’s not necessarily child related. It’s not in my case, it has been the trigger to my mind scrambling up, but that’s not Why I’m depressed.

It’s a struggle to understand why I’m feeling like this.

I have visited the doctor again last week and she has told me, unless I change, I won’t get better. Unless I find ME again, I won’t get better. I need to rediscover myself, to get better.

So the question

Who am I now?